There will eventually come a point in many marriages when one or the other person involved will want to take a risk. This risk may be of a personal nature; for instance he might want to invest a large amount of money into a high yield stock or she might want to take sky diving lessons. This kind of risk poses possible threats to one's physical or financial well being. And then there are some personal risks that may involve emotional well being. She might want to get in touch with someone who hurt her in her past in an effort to move past the traumatic event. Still other risks may pose a threat to both the physical and the emotional well being of both partners. These risks often are of a professional nature. One person or the other may, at some point, desire to make a drastic career change that could possibly mean financial stability for the family, a lifelong dream fulfilled, and as a result, a happier marriage.
However, the fact remains that if the risk does not pay off it could mean financial struggles, rejection, broken hearts, depression, and strain on the relationship. The latter is a terrifying prospect, but it is unfortunately a reality that must be faced. When one person feels that this is a risk that they want to take both outcomes must be considered by both partners. Then the ultimate question must be asked by the person taking the risk to their partner:
"Will you support me?"
This can be a difficult question to ask and sometimes an even more difficult question to answer. In situations like these the question has many levels. It can mean, will you emotionally support me no matter how this plays out over the next few months, years, etc? It can also mean will you be able to support more of the financial responsibilities while I'm pursuing my passion? And finally, it can also mean, do you believe there is a good chance this risk will, in fact, pay off or am I just wasting my time? None of these sub-questions have easy answers, so what happens when a marriage faces a defining moment like this?
This is what my husband and I are facing currently. I have always wanted to be a full-time writer. From the time I was about eight or nine I knew this is what I wanted to do. I would sit for hours in my room, in the backseat of the family car on a road trip, or even in the pew at church with a small notebook and a pencil writing stories. I wrote characters I wanted to be in situations I wanted to experience. I got lost in my writing and sometimes thoughts came spilling onto the pages that I wasn't even aware were in my brain. The trials of my teenage years overshadowed my desire to write and my passion was forgotten for many years. It was only after I finished college and began the customary quarter-life soul searching process that I rediscovered my overwhelming desire to be a writer. Over the past six months or so I have spent many hours researching graduate writing programs, reading books about how to make my writing better, and simply writing down my thoughts. This blog itself has become an effort to exercise my writing ability while I am planning my next big move. Although it hasn't gotten much attention from myself or other people for that matter, it has been excellent therapy for me to write casually about what I know on those frustrating days when inspiration escapes me.
This past weekend, as it happened, was what I believe to be the defining moment for my aspiring ambitions. Unrelated circumstances caused me to leave my extremely unrewarding job that I had become way too comfortable in over the past few years. There was no other job lined up and my husband and I are not quite financially able to live on one income at the present moment. So basically we had to make a decision. Was this my opportunity to get serious and really devote all my energy to making my writing happen? Or should I just find another soul-crushing job that pays the bills until a better opportunity comes along?
Of course I want to embrace my new found freedom and pursue my passion... in a perfect world, right? But then reality sinks in and I begin to feel that nasty twinge of guilt for asking my husband to shoulder the extra responsibility and trudge off to work at 6am every morning while I get to sit at home in the comfort of my cozy office in my sweats doing something that I love for no money. But bless his sweet stoic heart. He pushes those guilty feelings right out of my head and reassures me that he completely supports my decision. Of course we're both terrified to be so unsure about how this is going to play out and what effect this is going to have on our future. But there is an exhilaration also that we both try to hold onto when negativity and panic try to sneak in when our guards are down.
The fact is, this man truly believes in me. He believes in my passion and also my talent and potential as a writer so much that he is willing to follow me out of our financial and emotional comfort zone into extremely volatile territory.
Relationships are defined by these moments; moments when life gets uncomfortable or changes drasically and suddenly the routine you grew so accustomed to is turned completely upside down. Sometimes it's even harder when the person who flipped it over was someone in the marriage. It's much simpler when you can adopt an "us against the world" mentality and ban together in the face of a crisis. This, however, is new for us. I'm the one who is looking to my partner and asking him to take this great leap of faith with me without knowing if we'll achieve everything we've been hoping for or if we're going to fall flat on our faces. But the fact remains the same: no matter what, we're going to support each other in every way possible.
