Our First Thanksgiving

Though it is not the first Thanksgiving my husband, Brandon, and I have spent together; it is officially our first holiday season as Mr. & Mrs. This was a strange realization for me because Brandon and I got married right after the holidays earlier this year. This year will be a bit different for reasons all newlyweds can relate to. It is the time for the big question that follows the "I do"s... Who's family do we spend Thanksgiving with? For many couples this can be a knock-down, drag out, hissy fit throwing, full-blown battle of the stubbornness.

I was completely prepared for this bloodbath when Brandon poked his head into the bedroom one morning and asked me if I would consider making the 500 mile drive to Boone, North Carolina with his parents and little sister to spend Thanksgiving at his grandparents' house. This was not an unreasonable request of me considering that Brandon's family is "Leave it to Beaver" compared to mine.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have an immensely loving supportive family, but we're a little spread out. My parents are no longer together and of the 4 of us that live in the state of Maryland, we all live in different houses. My younger brother, Jon, spends Thanksgiving with his friend, whose mother is apparently the queen of cooking for an army of twenty-something guys. My father spends Thanksgiving with friends from his church, and my mother spent last Thanksgiving with Brandon and me at my soon-to-be-in-laws' house.

So with the idea of abandoning my mother to run off with my husband to the mountains with his family, leaving Mom at home with a frozen South Beach dinner and her remote, I was gearing up for battle. "How could he ask me to leave my poor mother at home by herself on Thanksgiving?", I thought to myself.

But, to my extremely relieved surprise, only a minimal altercation ensued. I agreed to talk it over with my mother before I agreed to the proposed arrangement. This was not exactly how Brandon wanted the conversation to end; he was hoping for a simple "yeah sure" and let's move on (as are all men, yes?). Anyway, so with a little huffing and puffing on both sides he agreed to let me think about it.

Turned out, Mom was totally cool with the idea of sitting at home with a frozen South Beach dinner and her remote on this, the ultimate gluttonous holiday. (You see, my mother is the so completely adaptive, she's a really awesome lady) So ultimately everything worked out for all parties involved with no bloodshed!

Now I just have to figure out how to survive the weekend with the in-laws...

So, now, after being a wife for nearly a year; it is time for me, in the spirit of the season, to reflect on what I am most thankful for this past year.

Of course I'm thankful for my husband. The man has stood by me against all odds and held my hand through that incredibly challenging first year. I love him more every single day and though sometimes he drives me absolutely insane, I have him to thank for many of the wonderful things in my life and the person I am today.

I'm thankful for my mom. Our relationship has seen harder times than most and she's my best friend and my role model.

I'm thankful for my brother, who teaches me patience, kindness, sensitivity, and what it's like to not worry about what other people think and just HAVE FUN!

I'm thankful for the home that I have created with Brandon and that it really feels like home.

I am thankful for my health... enough said.

I am thankful for my dog, Max, who has more personality than most people and is always there when I need someone to talk to who won't say a word.

I am thankful for my warm bed that, when I curl up at night under my down comforter, makes me realize how much the small pleasures really matter

I am thankful that there is good in this world if you just take the time to look for it. It's not all violence and tragedy.

And finally, I am thankful that God loves me and that He gave me this wonderful life that I have the privilege to write about.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!! And don't forget to stop and really be thankful.

Becoming a Family

I come from a wonderful, albeit, unconventional family. The best family I could wish for, flaws and all. But the thing about the family you're born into is that it's the only family you know. You develop your relationships with these people from the time you take your first breath. Your relationship with your mom, your dad, your brother, sister, etc forms alongside your own personal development. Day in and day out you form bonds with these people through all of life's events. These are the most natural relationships in the world.

Then you get married. Now you have a new family. A pure, virgin, untainted family that has not had to endure years of hissy fits, adolescence, sibling rivalry, and questionable dating choices. That wedding day is a new start for a new future with this person who has now become your number one, one and only. Now, all of a sudden you are acutely aware of how damn tough it is to develop a lifetime bond with someone you have not actually spent your lifetime with. You have already become a contributing member of society (hopefully) and have a pretty good idea of who you are as an independent person. So now, you mean to tell me, I have to figure it out all over again with this person?

Do not misunderstand me. I do not mean that you have to change who you inherently are as a person when you get married. But you do change! You have to change a lot of little things that you didn't even know were there in the first place. Because, guess what, that adolecent "this is who I am, deal with it" attitude will land you in divorce court before you can write all your thank you notes! (I obviously exagerate for effect)

So how do you build a family from scratch, without the history? I'll tell you how I figured it out. I could not for the life of me understand why my realtionship with my husband wasn't as effortless as my relationships with my mother and my brother; my two best friends in the world. I thought to myself, "this is my HUSBAND! The most important person in the world to me, our communication should be simple and fluent, and it's not! What am I doing wrong?!" Then it hit me like a slap in the face. How can I expect an effortless relationship to develop simply because I said "I do"? I have put 24 and 22 years into my relationships with my mother and brother respectively and only the last 3 have made the whole ordeal worth it! My family saw some really REALLY tough years. Those relationships had to endure extensive periods of growing pains.

And, you see, every relationship that is built outside your immediate family has to endure the same growing pains if it aspires to be as strong or stronger. No relationship is ever effortless, it just gets easier and more comfortable. And whenever I feel frustrated that my husband and I aren't communicating as easily as I would like or that our relationship isn't as strong as the relationship I have with my mom and my brother, I just tell myself this is my baby family and it's going to take work. And I remind myself all the time:
They didn't say it would be easy, but they sure said it would be worth it!

A Little About Myself

Marriage changes your life; everything about it! It changes the way you think, the way you act, your perspective on everything, the way you make decisions, and even the way you relate to other people. Marrying that person does not just change your relationship with that person, it completely transforms every other relationship in your life also. Marriage is a shift in the universe that only those who have experienced it know what I am trying to describe. My purpose is to share, inform, enlighten, and maybe sometimes vent my experiences along this wonderfully frightening journey.

People are shocked when they find out I'm married. Maybe it's my age, I'm 24 folks, it's not like I'm fresh out of high school! Or maybe it's the fact that the culture of a married woman does not quite coincide with the culture of a senior in college who waits tables on weekends. It is hard to compartmentalize when the first year of marriage, in itself, is a full time job. But the truth is I am not just some young girl with naive visions of happily ever after. I knew I was making one of the most significant decisions of my life when I decided to marry my husband in January of this year. Of course I was obsessed with the idea of a perfect wedding with a stunning white dress and all the unbelievably fabulous perks that came with being a bride, I mean, I AM a woman! But the gravity of the decision I was making was never lost in the excitement.

People will say that it is not possible to have the perfect wedding. Well, they're wrong, we had the PERFECT wedding! Sure there were little things here and there that could have gone better. His aunt could have controlled her alcohol consumption at the reception a little better and not embarrassed us by giggling during the blessing. His grandmother could have decided on ANY other color for her elaborate dress instead of white!! And, of course, the reception could have lasted well into the night instead of ending early because we decided to have it on a Sunday in January. The point is NONE of that mattered to us because it was truly the happiest day of our lives; a perfect day.

So here I am, almost a year later, and full of experiences that I would love to share with anyone who is married, getting married, or eventually wants to get married. It is my hope that you will enjoy reading about the roller coaster that has been my first year and how both my husband and I made it out alive!