Keeping the "Me" in "We"

For many couples the shift from "me" to "we" happens very naturally and in many cases may go completely unnoticed. For other couples that transition can be very uncomfortable as one of both people fight fiercely to preserve their sense of independence. Brandon and I are definitely part of the former group and "we" happened for us long before we became a "we" in the eyes of God and the government. So it has taken me this long (nearly three years) to begin to reflect on how exactly the "me-to-we" transition has affected MY life.

First let me explain what I mean by the "me-to-we" transition. It is what happens when two people commit to each other to the point where their lives are aimed towards a common goal and the needs for the couple supersede the needs of the individual. It is not as simple as replacing your "I's" and "me's" in your everyday conversations with "we" or "us". (I am aware that this part of the transition can be extremely irritating to those of steadfast single status) In addition to the change in language a change in overall mindset occurs as well. Simple decisions can no longer be made based on what you want. All of a sudden the needs of your spouse are a dominant factor in the decision process.

But before I get preachy I'll get on with it. I find myself reflecting on my experiences with this transition because it's not something that happens overnight. First it began when we were dating when I started to consult Brandon on the plans for the weekend. I couldn't just run off to a party or a bar with a friend at the last minute. Then once we decided to get married the breadth of decisions expanded. And I'll tell ya, it's not easy to consider "we" when you're planning a wedding that you've been picturing since you were a little "me".

So now here I am, a year after the wedding, and I'm reflecting on the transition into complete and total "we". While I still do maintain a healthy level of independence; for instance I insist on spending at least one day a week doing girly things like shopping and scrapbooking with my mom, and I spontaneously grab a drink with a friend after work every once in awhile instead of worrying about fixing dinner; the majority of the decisions made in my life involve the point of view and the best interest of both myself and my husband. At times this can be frustrating because I can no longer consider things like spending a year in Ireland or moving to California. No more are the days of impulse buying with no one to answer to when I come home with a new purse or pair of shoes that I apparently "don't need".

It's nice though, when you really sit and think about it. Because really it comes down to thinking about the feelings of someone who is incredibly meaningful to you and that is the most important thing, isn't it? To finally be able to put someone else's needs before your own for the good of the relationship and the survival of the partnership.