Nope, Sorry, No Kids Yet.

Brandon and I have been married almost two and a half years now- with no children. Gasp. That's right, no children and no immediate plan to start trying to have children. Does this make us matrimonial pariahs? I've been getting the impression lately that it does. I don't mean to be rude- well, actually, I don't really care if it seems rude at this point, but since when does a wedding ring on the finger broadcast to the masses that it's open season on our personal life?
At a fairly recent Clark family gathering (that's Brandon's side of the family) one particularly outspoken Aunt saw us arrive and immediately bee-lined in our direction. She took one look at my flat belly in my little black dress and blurted out in a boisterous way that drew the attention of all family members in our immediate vicinity,
"No baby yet?! What's the matter Bran, your willy not workin'?!"
Yes, that's right folks; those words actually were spoken to our faces. How do you even respond to that mortifying comment? As my heart shimmied it's way up my chest and lodged firmly in my throat and the blood was hamming through my eardrums with embarrassment and anger, my husband managed to collect himself enough to respond.
"No, Aunt Marie, it's working just fine," he laughed it off. "Just no kids for us yet."

"Not yet" has become the official party line; recently we've had to develop a habit of making a preemptive "not yet" strike when we arrive at any event that the family will be attending. After the infamous "willy" comment it is simply an effort to save us from humiliation.

We get it from the other side of the family too now. My brother's wife- I'll call her Gwen- is a proud mother of three with a forth on the way. During a recent visit to their house I revealed my aspirations of becoming a writer. Gwen listened quietly as I spoke of my passion and my plans for my first book. Later I sat with Gwen on the back deck watching Brandon play with her kids. It was then she decided to strike with the question that has become a resounding refrain to Brandon and me:
"When are you two going to start having kids?"
First of all, why is it always phrased like that? "Start having kids"- like once you start you just can't stop and that's who you are; a baby-making machine. Second, I love how people think this is a socially appropriate question simply because we're married. If I was single no one would say, "Hey Jenna, when are you going to quit screwing around and start having kids?" And for that matter no one with any decency would ask me, "When are you going to get married already?"
Not cool. This is personal stuff that I think should be our business. But I digress.

I responded candidly to Gwen's question, "There are things I would like to accomplish before we start a family."
Gwen's comeback was this:
"Well there's nothing like having children to get your priorities straight and keep your pipe-dreams in check."
Pow. All the air rushed from my lungs as if I had been kicked in the stomach by a horse. I was rendered speechless yet again by the brazenness of the incredibly inappropriate comment. That was a one-two passive aggressive punch, too. She was not only suggesting that having kids is the only life-affirming path one can take but also she was suggesting that I was basically and idiot for thinking I could ever be a published writer.
Gwen might as well have said, "Give it up, girl. Just start popping out some kids and life will be sweet."

I'm going to pause here to say that I am not anti-children. Brandon and I are not one of those "modern day power couples" that see no need for children when we're so focused on bigger and better things. We want children. We simply want to be able to accomplish a certain number of things before we give ourselves completely to our children and give them the best possible life opportunities. What's the problem?

So, give it up guys. Just because we're married doesn't mean we owe it to anyone to 1. have children or 2. explain why we haven't had children yet. We love you all, really we do. Just find some other aspect of our lives to ask about.

I'm just saying.