I have a friend- well, she's actually more accurately described as a casual acquaintance. For purposes of online anonymity I'll call her Abby. Abby is a tragic case. As former co-workers during my time as a waitress I got to know Abby rather well considering we worked just about every shift together. We spent a few occasions outside of work together and I even had her over to my house for margaritas. Between me and my good friend Amanda, we believed we could rescue her from the ever-deepening bleak hole she was digging herself into. This endeavor has proved to be quite the uphill battle.
Let me tell you a little bit about Abby. Abby is stupid; there's just no way around it. She has the mind of a seventeen year old idiot trapped in the body of a twenty-two year old girl. With no inherent desire to better her situation in any way, Abby works as a part-time waitress and spends her free time moving into, then out of, then into her eighteen year old deadbeat boyfriend's filthy apartment. On top of participating in one of the most dysfunctional relationships I've seen since Whitney and Bobby (that's right, I made a Whitney and Bobby reference), Abby wanted to get pregnant. Every attempt at trying to explain patiently and logically to her that this was perhaps quite literally the dumbest idea anyone has ever had was only met with a blank stare or a dismissive shrug.
After Abby and her loser boyfriend's first attempt to co-habitate lasted only two weeks, Amanda and I started to see a shimmer of hope for Abby. We were proud of her for making the first step to becoming a functioning adult. She dumped her dumb-shit boyfriend, started showing an interest in working more, saving money, and participating in activities with people her own age. I'll pause here to mention that Abby had previously been unable to enjoy her status as a twenty-two year old because all her friends were fresh out of high school and couldn't set foot in a bar. Anyway, suffice it to say Abby started making progress- for about a month.
Re-enter the loser boyfriend. This prick decided that he couldn't just be a deadbeat and waste his life all by his lonesome. He had to drag poor lost little Abby back down into the ditch with him. After threatening suicide if she didn't come back, shocker or shockers, Abby returned. She abandoned every last one of her efforts and moved back into her self-inflicted hell. This is the part where Amanda and I start beating our heads against the wall when what we truly would like to do is beat Abby's head against the wall.
You may be wondering at this point why Amanda and I are taking such a vested interest in this misguided little girl's exploits. Why shouldn't we simply write her off and go on about our lives? The girl is clearly a lost cause; let her hang herself. Don't think we weren't tempted. The thing about Abby is there is something different about her. She's not like so many of the entitled little brats I come across all too often who I feel could use a nice hard punch in the face from reality to knock them down a few pegs. She's got this trusting innocence to her that really makes you believe she deserves better and she simply doesn't know it.
The latest update on Abby, which I received from Amanda yesterday and the reason why I am writing this post, seems to be the last straw. Amanda has invested much more time than I have in the Abby Project and even she seems to have reached her wits end and is, for all intents and purposes, ready to throw in the towel. Turns out Abby suspects her worthless skeeze of a boyfriend (have I made it clear how I feel about the guy?) of having an STD. Showing no symptoms herself, Abby was advised to go get herself tested. Side note: is this something that really needs to be told to a twenty-two year old? This bold declaration of the obvious was met with a response that I still have to repeat in my head to truly believe someone could think this was a point to be argued.
Abby first responded by saying that she couldn't afford to go to the doctor. I know, I know, dumb-ass, right? But, sit tight, it gets better. After Amanda tried to present Abby her options as they pertained to her financial hesitations Abby tried a second line of rationalization.
"Well, it could just be something else," Abby replied brushing off the subject entirely. This is one of those moments that it would have been totally appropriate to grab Abby by her shoulders and literally attempt to shake some common frickin' sense into her, but my guess is that it probably wouldn't have worked anyway. Amanda tried a few more times to get this girl to see that she was being a weapons-grade moron; but sadly it was to no avail.
So what should be done about sad, lost little Abby? Unfortunately this story is only the tip of the tragic iceberg. And just like the Titanic before her, if Abby had simply pulled her head out of the sand for even a moment she could have avoided crashing into that iceberg and sinking to the bottom of the dark relentless ocean.
But, who knows; maybe there's still hope for Abby. Or maybe the great philosopher Ron White had it right; you can't fix stupid.
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