Summer is Kind of a Bitch

After probably six months of the best of intentions to see (500) Days of Summer and never getting around to it, Jon movie-ambushed me the other night after I got home from work. It was close to midnight and I was certain that I wouldn't be able to stay awake for more than 20 minutes, but I was wrong. I somehow managed to keep my eyes open and my attention focused for the entire 90 minutes. I believe the reason for that acute surge of energy was how emotionally invested I got in the story and especially the characters. It was not even a little bit the standard mindless "ro-co" (romantic comedy) that would have probably put me out faster than an Ambien. The characters were so charming and so realistic that, at times, I almost forgot I was watching scripted actors. (500) Days of Summer also got me to do something that no Katherine Heigl/Gerard Butler/Kate Hudson/Matthew McConaughey P.O.S. movie has ever achieved- it got me thinking...


Spoiler alert! It turns out that Zooey Deschanel's character, Summer, is a self-involved narcissistic bi-otch. She spends the better part of a year jerking this guy Tom around who is completely and unapologetically crazy about her.
Side note: who knew that kid from 3rd Rock was so charming?

Anyway, Summer leads Tom on for months and then decides one day that she just doesn't feel like being with him anymore. Then she flashes her big Disney eyes and wants to be his friend. Then after he manages to get over her enough to go back to being a functioning adult, she drags him back in to screw with him some more. And after all is said and done she ends up married to another guy, then out come the innocent eyes and poor Tom is just supposed to be happy for her.

Beware of Disney eyes!

The spooky thing is that a scenario not at all unlike this one happened to Jon some time ago. I won't share details out of respect for his privacy, but suffice it to say, this girl did a number on my baby brother. After the storm had passed and everyone involved was seeing clearly again, Jon was left with one simple truth about girls: the pretty ones think they can do whatever they want and it's OK because they're pretty. No dice, ladies. It's infuriating when a girl believes her appearance grants her empathy-exempt status. Beauty is praised to such an extent that these girls end up brainwashed into thinking their own feelings, impulses, musings, what-have-you are the only things that matter. They end up at the center of their own melodramatic universe. It's sad, it's annoying, but it's true.

You'd be mean to these girls too

So Jon adopted a technique for dealing with said selfish females: he's mean to them. He figures that no one's ever been mean to them a day in their life, being that they're so adorable, so they don't quite know how to react. He says some act like a deer in the headlights, some try in vain to throw it back at him, and some just don't get it at all. Now, I'm not advocating this strategy, but given what Jon went through I understand it and I wouldn't say I'm completely against it. I don't think anyone should be mean simply for the sake of being mean and I don't want to give the impression that my brother hates women. He just has developed a no-bullshit policy for pretty girls who think they can get away with anything. And honestly, I do believe there a more than a few chicks out there that could probably benefit from being taken down a peg or two.

But at least the movie was good.